When we talk about being stuck we often feel like we can’t move. Like somehow we’re not able to do what we want because of time, money or relationships.
I don’t have the time to concentrate on my side hustle, because I work so much overtime!
I’d love to go travelling but I can’t leave my family.
If only I had more money and I could afford to take some more holidays and maybe even work remotely, so I could tick some things off my bucket list.
These are examples of people feeling stuck. Due to outside forces that they seemingly have no control over, they can’t move. They can’t travel, change their job or live the life they dream about on their pinterest board.
Well, ain’t that a bitch?!
Our brains love making a BFD (big fucking deal) out of everything because our subconscious HATES change. Change could be dangerous. And that’s because thousands of years ago when we lived in caves, having to hunt dinner instead of ordering on Amazon Fresh and generally trying not be eaten by our dinosaur neighbour, our subconscious alerted us of the slightest changes. It took us thousands of years to develop this unconscious habit and a few hundred years haven’t changed that behavior. It took us thousands of years to evolve from some kind of blob-fish looking thing to moving on land. So suddenly in just a few centuries we went from gathering berries to picking the straightest cucumber in the supermarket.
So there you are, an evolved human, wanting to change something about your life, because you can. And then…poof. Now you have all these responsibilities. That’s when you go back to eating a tub of choc-mint ice cream and downing a bottle of Tequila while self loathing.
So here’s a note from your Subconscious when this happens:
“Dude, I don’t know…I mean, seriously, think about all the shit that could go wrong? I’m not about to let anything happen to you, remember that T-Rex that chased us the other day? Phew! Barely made it out alive. Okay fine, that was a few years back, but hey, you know what I mean right?”
So on a conscious level you interpret this note as: “HOLY CRAP you’re right!” and make excuses for NOT going ahead. Subconsciously your worst case scenario is total and utter doom! But as a new-age, 21st century human, you like rational thoughts. And who can blame you?
Not like you can go to your boss, friends or family and say that you’re quitting this well-paying-but-miserable-job for no other reason than that it just feels right.
So you have to somehow justify your inaction; In form taking control away from yourself and pointing the finger to the next best culprit. Because if you can’t do anything about the situation you can’t be held accountable right?
Here’s what mine looked like: “I can’t work on my business because I have so much to do. How the hell am I meant to create something from scratch when I can’t even make dinner on time each night; I mean I sit in traffic for 3 hours a day!?”
Funny though, that I happily found the time to play video games, watch the latest episode of Game Of Thrones or even browse the Facebook feed to watch yet another cat vine.
So here’s what you can do about the stuckness that you feel in 3 easy steps. I highly suggest a glass of Merlot while you’re sitting in your favorite spot in the house.
Step 1 – I think we need a Crowbar!?
To know you need to become unstuck, you have to notice you’re stuck in first place. You can do this easily by writing down, yes ghetto style, what the hell you wanna do and why think you can’t do it. Uncensored, raw and unapologetic.
Don’t judge yourself, even if you think it’s stupid. Anything you want to change about your life; Write it all down and every reason why you think you can’t!
Step 2 – No Shit Sherlock!
Now look at what you’ve written down. And use each line as a new headline. And under each headline write down what you could do to change this to an outcome you’d prefer. Here’s an example from myself:
Step 1 is now my headline:
I can’t take time off from my day job to work on my side hustle, because I’m often stuck in hours of traffic, work overtime and barely find time for myself. (in my case I still found time to play video games 😉 )
So now you step into the sexier version of Sherlock Holmes (you!) and would say in the best British accent accent you can do:
“You see, but you do not observe!” *strokes mustache*
Find clues that lead to the solution of the mystery. Find out what outside sources you blame and whether that is truly the case.
For me I always found time to play games and watch Netflix. (And yes, once I noticed that, I felt bad admitting that I was in my own way)
So my inner Sherlock found clues and solutions and I started listening to audio books in my car instead of Spotify and learn things I needed to learn. That was 3 hours of audio book time 5 days a week. I made time in the evening to work on my website or write copy for my blog and website. And none of that took extra effort or time away. I just redistributed.
Step 3 – Time to use the crowbar!
Now you can apply what you’ve written down. This will, however, only going to get you so far. Because there’ll be a time when you feel stuck again. Because that’s how our minds work. So step 3 is all about keeping up the momentum and add one more little ingredient to the ‘Soup du unstuck’ :
Ask for help!
Find out which of the things above are holding you back because you just can’t work this out yourself. It’s usually the point where you’re seeing something needs to be done but you put your hands in the air saying “Yeah, but how?”
So let’s say you wanna build a website but have zero knowledge about programming, there are ways to either DIY it (aka YouTube) and find that out or hire someone who knows what they’re doing.
If you’re stuck taking your business to the next level because the DIY approach is no longer working for you then you could hire a coach, like I did. As a coach myself, I’ll always work with someone who can show me where I’m not giving my business the attention it needs.
There are gazillion ways you can go about it. It’s easy to think “why get help when I can do this myself?” and I get the idea, I was the same, but at the end of the day all you do it put shit off, and then what?! Accept help. Ask for it. Because doing it alone not only doesn’t get you far, it also sucks! Build a Power Posse of people around you that know what it was like so you can show your subconscious “See, she’s done it! No T-Rex!” while you smirk and take another sip of your Merlot, because now you just won an argument with yourself!
About the Author
Adina Kroll is a business coach for creative entrepreneurs with over 7 years of industry experience in sales. She is passionate about helping people thrive while following their dreams. She also loves funny cat videos, red wine, and shower karaoke (not all at the same time though).