How to change your mindset from do what other people think you should do to being your own person




  1. used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions…  “she should have been more careful”

Let me start by saying how much I despise the word should. Like to my core… hate that word. The very definition includes the word criticizing.

The world is full of people telling you what you should do.

The internet, the radio, tv, schools, family members and even friends all have an opinion about what is best.  

What you should feel.

What you should say.

How you should parent.  

What you should wear.

What you should eat.

Who you should love.

What you shouldn’t do even.

Well… enough is enough. For fuck’s sake stop living your life based on what you should do. (Disclaimer: if it’s illegal.. I am of the mindset that those are the “should’s” and “should nots” that you might want to listen to).

Ok…now really stop and think about your life… how is living by “should” working out for you?

My guess is not very well.

And I am right there with you. I too often am controlled by what I should do but right here and now I am saying fuck that!

Say it with me… “fuck should!”  

Enough is enough.

Life is short.

Regret is forever.

Do you want to live your life actually doing shit that makes you happy and being true to yourself or do you want to hide and live your life in regret thinking about all the things you wanted to do and experience?

No one gets to decide that for you.

You decide that.

You make those choices.

And another thing… you know what else comes with that feeling of “should?”

Yep that’s right… the feeling of failure when you don’t do the thing you should have done. “Should” is setting expectations before you even get started on something.

Perhaps there is little voice inside that tells you that you should feel guilty for working all the time because you don’t see your kiddos enough.  And then you feel bad because you should feel bad for not seeing them but you don’t feel bad. Working makes you happy.

Make sense?

It is a vicious cycle!

And this goes both ways too. There are just as many “shoulds” in the world as there are “should nots.”

Things I have been told …

“You shouldn’t say fuck so much.”

“You shouldn’t enjoy some of the edgier things you do.”

“You shouldn’t baby your youngest so much.”


No one gets to tell me or you what we should and shouldn’t do.

“You should really add more flour to those cookies.” Well, fuck off. There is more than one way to bake cookies. Maybe you want them crunchy. Maybe you want them soft.

I could go on and on with examples but I think you get what I am saying here.

Bottom line…there are so many ways to bake and love and live and laugh and dance. Don’t hold back living your life because someone told you that you should or shouldn’t do something.

And I know what you are thinking… how on earth do you just stop listening to all the “shoulds” in the world.  

This article is not a lesson in how you to deal with all this.  I am not about to tell you how you should achieve that…just know you are your own person.  You make your own decisions. Stand tall and know you got this. You know what’s best for you. Don’t play small.  Do what lights your soul on fire and fuck should!!


About the Author

Kristen Cano

Hey there!  I am Kristen Cano owner/founder of Cano Collaborations-Digital Solutions. I am a wife, boy mom, digital solutions rockstar, virtual assistant, die hard Sons of Anarchy fan, addicted to office supplies and sarcasm. Overall badass. I believe that all problems have solutions and I love the challenge of finding those solutions.  I like to keep things real. I am a hot mess sometimes as we all are. Things I hate… the word “moist”, copycats and pics on social media of someone looking out into the distance pondering life. I mean… really??! Who does that for real? LOL!!!

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