Women do not owe anyone an explanation.
Why we need to stop apologizing for living our lives.
I’m not sorry.
How many times have your felt sorry, just today or even this week? Or apologized for just being you. I think it’s about damn time that women stopped apologizing or explaining themselves to anyone. Period. Enough is enough.
This isn’t sparked by one incident but numerous incidents. Generations of women floundered over their own imperfections and the labels that have been slapped on them. Not the ones they’ve chosen for themselves, but the ones that have been brutally tattooed on them against their will, leaving them completely and utterly apologetic for just about everything.
From my own behaviors to the behaviors of others, it’s time that we as women were just done with it already.
When I started writing this I began tallying up the numerous and absurd things I’ve apologized about over my lifetime. I’ve apologized to just about everyone I know for being a teen mom. I even spewed apologizes that time I sat in the ER after being raped by two men in a van, ‘but I was really drunk’, ‘I’m sorry this happened’, I kept saying. I knew who they were and still to this day I’ve kept my mouth shut. I just kept apologizing and saying how sorry I was.
I’ve apologized for being under-dressed and tried to explain why I didn’t look good enough. I’ve even blurted out stupid things like I forgot to start the washer so this is why I look this way. I’ve said sorry for not knowing where my husband left his phone, or that I was late because there just happened to be a blizzard outside. I’ve said sorry and explained my way through my entire life.
Since the creation of Badassery Magazine, I’ve been privileged enough to meet thousands of strong and empowered women. The common thread I always hear from all of them: I’m sorry my children need something; or, I’m so sorry my kids are home right now. We are even apologizing for being fucking moms at this point. This has to stop, and it’s time that my fellow women joined me, arm in arm and said enough.
It’s not your fault that your children are living breathing beautiful creatures who refuse to be silenced. Enough already. No more explanations and no more apologies. Why is this so important? Because the person we are always making excuses for the most and always telling isn’t good enough is YOU.
You are the one who loses at the end of the day. You are the one who is left standing in the mirror all alone who is trying to hide your own imperfections and your own made up flaws. You are the one who is trying to wear an outfit that you think others will love. You are the one who is conforming to things that you hate, just because you don’t want to offend or ruffle a few feathers. You are the one who keeps your mouth shut and just apologizes when people are really hurting you. It’s you that gets burned at the end of all of this.
You are going to have to take all your sorries and excuses, put them in a giant sack and shove them up your own ass. We are done dishing them out and we are done accepting them from other women.
Listen lady, you a strong and you are brave. People are always wanting me to explain my hair color as if they have the right to know why I choose to have pink hair. It’s not a single ounce of your goddamn business even if my bush is flaming pink. I do not owe you a single ounce of explanation. As a women I do not have to explain my clothing choices, my hair or anything about my life. My actions are what defines me, not what you think I should be doing.
As a strong and powerful business owner I brought in over a $100,000 into my business in 2017. I traveled a few times for business and spent a whole lot of time networking. I also received a whole pile of questions about my children. Where were they and what did I do with them while I was working? Why would I have to tell anyone where my kids were? It’s not like they just free ranged around all day and I left pop tarts on the counter. My husband has a full time job and is in the Army. He’s gone a lot. Not once has anyone ever asked where his children are. These conversations have to shift.
It starts with you right now. Decide that you are no longer going to explain yourself or apologize for any of your actions, your appearance or your life choices again. Decide today that you are done. The shift is happening and more and more women are speaking up. It’s time for you to answer that call as well.
That also means that you take all of those judgements you are harboring about your fellow women and burn them. You make a bonfire out of them and you start empowering each other. The next time your best friend apologizes for the messy house, you put her in her place and remind her that she owes no one an explanation. I’m sure her spouse can pick up dishes too.
Or your single friend who apologizes for not having on makeup or too much makeup, you give her a mental bitch slap and tell her she can look any damn way she pleases. AND it’s especially important that they next time your friend starts explaining that extra weight, you know the excuses: kids, my job, stress; you tell her that she doesn’t owe a single line of explanation about being a glowing human being. Those pictures you see in the magazines are all so fake it’s mind blowing. We are done comparing ourselves to that.
Make your your own badge of honor. I look this way because I feel amazing. I say these things because I decided to spit them out of my mouth. I am a powerful human being and I deserve more.
Join me in this conversation. I want to hear from you below. Are you ready to stop apologizing and start living? Do you want to be a part of ending this crisis that is silencing women all over? Then share this out everywhere you can!
About the Author
I’m SAMANTHA PARKER, the cofounder of Badassery Magazine.
Now I’m teaching others how to build their own online empires. Yes, empires. I believe that building and nurturing a sense community with your business is the key to massive success.